virtualDavis

Beech bark damage, inflicted most likely by a bear. We saw many similar marks during our Champlain Area Trails snowshoe outing at Poke-o-Moonshine’s Lost Oak Valley this past Saturday. Much damage, but no bears! (I’ve posted additional photographs on flickr if you look for the Lost Oak Valley set…)

It’s happened again, another memorable forward. Read these puns aloud, and you’ll likely chuckle a time or two. If not, check your pulse. And then ingest a goodly chunk of dark chocolate. Then reread these clever puns. Aloud. And enjoy!

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head..’
14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’
16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said ‘No change yet.’
17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
18. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
19. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a  seasoned veteran.
20. A backward poet writes inverse.
21. In a democracy it’s your vote that counts.  In feudalism it’s your count that votes.
22. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
23. Don’t join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!

Did these tickle your punny funny bone? Did they inspire to conjure up a pun or two of your own? Feel free to share.

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• Being punny. Making puns (good and bad) and bad jokes as I go is one of the ways that I am creative every day! I just make up jokes as I talk with friends or my sisters, and as I read, even when I’m doing schoolwork. It’s pretty simple: all you need is wo (actinglikeanimals.com)
• Puns (thefreelancenut.com)
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I’m sooo with you, email forwards are a drag. Except when they aren’t!

I just received one that added some overdue levity to my day. It allegedly represents real classified advertisements. Thought it was worth sharing.

Free Yorkshire Terrier: 8 years old. Hateful little dog. Bites.

Free puppies: 1/2 Cockerspaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor’s dog.

FREE PUPPIES: Part German Shepherd, part stupid dog.

GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs. Neutered. Speaks German. Free.

FOUND: Dirty white dog. Looks like a rat… Been out awhile… Better be a reward.

1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB –$850/offer

SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE: only used on snowy days.

COWS, CALVES: Never bred…also 1 gay bull for sale.

NORDIC TRACK $300 hardly used, call Chubby.

HUMMERS: Largest selection ever. “If it’s in stock, we have it!”

GEORGIA PEACHES: California grown – 89 cents lb.

NICE PARACHUTE: never opened – used once.

Joining nudist colony! Must sell washer & dryer $300.

Alzheimer’s Center prepares for an affair to remember.

OPEN HOUSE: Body Shapers Toning Salon. Free coffee & donuts.

FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last month. ****Wife knows everything.****

“Writing is both mask and unveiling.” ~ E.B. White

A mask is a dissembler’s illusion. A knight’s protective shield. An actor’s costume. A robber’s disguise. A clown’s emotions. A diver’s goggles. A model’s currency. A posthumous record. A semblance. A counterfeit. A simulacrum.

A mask is a mask is a mask…

It’s that fuzzy image above. I may simply have taken that image from a newspaper or a milk carton, but its presence on these pages suggests that it represents me. Or did. Or does it?

After all, even if it is a real photograph of me, I did Photoshop it plenty. In fact, I Photoshopped it a lot more than this neon image of an African sculpture which was originally black ebony with inlaid white mother of pearl against a tan background. Only a hint of the original sculpture – or even the original photograph – remains. Fortunately, the ebony original remains intact on the wall facing my desk.

Behind the Mask

Can we ever get behind a mask? And if so, what do we find? Another? Or do we finally arrive at that authentic self, the uncontrived, the unselfconsious, the unaffected and naked self?

This blog – this digital dump of stories and dreams and artifacts – is the song behind my mask. My masks… Unfiltered melodies hummed and chanted, false starts and wayward ruminations.

The Mask Revisited

This post was originally published in January 2001 in the early days of this blog while I was fumbling around for a way to explain my purpose. Blogging was relatively unusual at the time, and this post was one of several attempts to sort through (albeit a bit self-consciously) my plans. Or my hopes. I updated the original blog post on December 22, 2011 and again on March 4, 2014.

And yes, more than a decade later I’m still fumbling.

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